T-shirt: Cents of Style
Beanie: Cents of Style
Boyfriend Cardigan: Nordstrom Rack (didn’t realize it was maternity! haha)
Relaxed skinny jeans: Old Navy
Flats: Nordstrom Rack (similar)
Layered Necklace: Nordstrom Rack (similar)
I apologize for being a little MIA the past couple of weeks, our life has been insanely busy and I feel like I have hardly had time to stop and catch my breath! Don’t get me wrong, I would much rather be busy than just sitting around doing nothing but it has put a little damper in my blog. I apologize for that I promise to step it up!
Choosing gratitude has been a big goal this year for me so when I saw this shirt I knew that I had to have it! I wanted to share with you the ways that I like to choose gratitude in my daily life!
For those of you who have followed my blog and story for a while know that 2014 was one of the hardest years both physically and emotionally for my family and me. I was in a very dark place when I started blogging after my third miscarriage, I was questioning everything regarding faith and hope for future family growth and expansion. I was completely lost, not to mention I was an emotional wreck. My poor husband saw me cry more in 2014 than in the previous 8 years we had been a couple. I remember being so angry and hurt about everything that I would lash out at anyone who wanted tell me that “everything would be ok” and “it will all work out in the end” for one thing I was so bitter that I wanted to smack them and their innocent kind ways and counter back asking “how the heck do you know?!” I sunk deeper and deeper into my depression, I stopped speaking to the one person who has always been there and loved me even at my worst, god. Instead I was angry with him and I questioned me faith in him and his so called “plan” for me. I stopped reading my scriptures, I just went through the motions of being a mom and wife while my husband and daughter walked on egg shells around me knowing that I was just a ticking time bomb. I had so much hate in my heart that instead of seeing my blessings I only saw what I didn’t have.
One morning while distractedly scrolling through Instagram on my phone, River sitting right next to me climbed in my lap trying to take my phone away. I got annoyed and just about yelled at her when I caught a glimpse of her face, where was my happy little girl? Her beautiful eyes that were usually filled with so much joy and life were instead filled with tears and dull, dark sadness, instead of a soft innocent smile gracing her lips she had a worried expression all over her face. Before I could even say anything to her she threw herself into my chest saying “mommy I love you” in a pained last attempt at getting her mommy back. Guilt swept over me like a ton of bricks as I cradled my precious angel, and for the last time I started to bawl for the loss of my unborn babies, I cried for being a terrible mother and wife for the few weeks I was in my fog and I cried for turning my back on god. Yes I had a crappy year of losses but god had given me so much more to be grateful for and here I was being so self absorbed into my own problems completely ignoring the gifts I had been given.
I made it my number one goal for 2015 to show gratitude in my everyday life, and to grow spiritually. I remember hearing a beautiful talk I believe through general conference (see what I believe here) about keeping a gratitude journal, and writing down five things per day that you were grateful for or if you saw gods hand in your life that day. I began doing this in January, in the beginning I was just writing the normal stuff that anyone would be grateful for, family, children, jesus, jobs etc. within a couple of weeks the more obvious things started to get more difficult to write because I had already used them before. This is when journaling became fun, I was forced to start with a prayer and reading my scriptures to get in the right mindset and think about the tiny little things that we take for granted and to think about how god had touched our life that day or protected us when we needed him most. Instead of being a chore writing in my journal became something that I looked forward to it helped me grow closer to my heavenly father and it had helped my heart be filled with gratitude.
About two months ago I decided to start having Cody and River in on the gratitude journal aside from my own personal journal we now have a family gratitude journal. Each night before bed is the time that we have set apart to fill our journal. If you want to be humbled I challenge you to ask a child what they are most grateful for, children truly are angels straight from heaven. I always thought that we were given children to teach them and prepare them in this life, but I was wrong, god sends us children because their sweet spirit and simply beautiful testimony of christ teaches us to be humble. River completely blew my mind the first time I asked her what she was grateful for, she was saying things that took me months to discover for myself. This has quickly become our favorite time of the day and has strengthened our family bond so much! I love my sweet little family so very much, if you are struggling to choose gratitude in your life I would highly recommend starting a gratitude journal. It is impossible to be sad when you have a heart filled with gratitude and a heart full of love!
Thank you guys again for taking the time to read todays post! You guys are awesome!